Is It Wise To Get Back Together With An Ex?
Most broken relationships can be fixed. The reason many people never get back together is because they lack the skills necessary to effectively deal with break up.
Yet, there are some relationships that truly ought to end. Keep reading to find out if you should try to get your ex back.
There are several ways to evaluate whether or not you should get back together with an ex. These are some of the most controversial, but extremely effective evaluation techniques to help you know if you should get back together.
Was It “Love?”
Being in a healthy relationship that is based on love, mutual respect, and understanding is great. Many relationships break up because there was never really any true love to begin with.
If you want to get back together with an ex, you would do well to find out if your ex really loved you to begin with. You see, there is a difference between “love” and “luv.” True love is an act of the will that requires real sacrifice on the part of each person.
Real love often times involves doing something you don’t want to do for the sake of the other person. True love is a reciprocal commitment that requires self-giving without an expectation of receiving anything in return. It is not easy and real work is involved.
“Luv” is based primarily on what some people might call “chemistry.” It’s that inexplicable physical attraction that people feel toward one another without reference to a person’s strength of character or uprightness as a person.
This chemistry, so-called, has a tendency to blind people to being able to see real difficulties that should not be present in a healthy relationship. So, if you want to get back together with an ex, you should make sure your past relationship was not based solely on “chemistry,” because it can blow up.
Was Your Ex Really That Great?
When people get back together with an ex, there is a tendency to see the ex in an exaggerated positive light. They feel that whatever problems they had in the past are now insignificant because the ex has promised not to do the things that caused the break up in the first place.
The couple declares that their problems are behind them and it’s going to be sunshine and rainbows from now on. Ironically, people are dumbfounded when the same old relationship difficulties crop up and force one or both parties to relive the pain and anguish of another break up….with the same person. That is beating a dead horse, indeed.
What Can You Do?
First and foremost, you cannot change anyone. If you decide to get back together with an ex, be cautious about his or her declarations that they will change for your sake.
As is too often the case, men say anything to get sex whenever they want. Women on the other hand, might want to fulfill a fairytale dream that has little chance of becoming reality given particular circumstances.
To be specific, if your ex has problems with infidelity, physical/mental abuse, or with the abuse of drugs and/or alcohol, be on guard. You cannot cure a pathological liar, drunk, bully, or junkie, so don’t try. If your ex has any of these problems, run fast, very fast and be glad you broke up.
Or, it may be the case that your ex has an erratic or abrasive personality. You should exercise extreme caution if you suspect your ex has Borderline Personality Disorder, Histrionic Personality Disorder, or Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
These are psychological disorders that can only be treated by medical professionals. Oftentimes, people with these personality disorders are unwilling to seek professional help because they lack the ability to make honest appraisals of their own deficits.
You are asking for a heaping help of heartache if you get back together with an ex that has these kinds of problems.
Ultimately, it is up to you to determine if it is wise to rekindle a relationship with an ex. Use your God given reason and use common sense. Don’t let your hormones or emotions rule the day.