When I was in college, I had a long-distance relationship. We were more than 2,000 miles apart. If only I had known someone who could help me understand how to make long distance relationships work, maybe we would not have broken up.
That was more than 20 years ago. Now, I’m happily married to someone else and have no regrets, but at the time of my long-distance break up, I was in a lot of emotional pain because I really believed that I could keep my long distance love alive.
It took me a long time to get over that break up and I wasted lots of time worrying about it and trying to get it back.
So, I understand exactly what you are going through in trying to stay together when you are far apart. After having been through a long distance relationship and the subsequent break up, I can offer you some advice about how to make long distance relationships work.
How To Keep a Relationship Alive When You Are Far Apart
First, make regular use of the internet by using Skype, Facebook, and texting to keep in regular contact. Since you can’t see each other in person, the internet and wireless devices are next to awesome for keeping your romance alive. These tools are something I wish I had access to way back when I was struggling to keep my long distance relationship going.
Next, there has to be a heightened level of trust between the both of you. That does not mean that when the cat’s away, the mice will play. You have to make extra effort to be available to one another and make extra certain that each other attain a comfort level for who is doing what and when. That means no cheating and not even giving the slightest appearance of cheating, even if you are not.
This requires an enormous amount of maturity and if you start to feel burdened or if your partner feels burdened by the constant need for re-validating the relationship, go the extra mile and make sure you are in a good place with each other.
Third, make regular and consistent plans to see one another in person. If you do not have a scheduled time to see each other again, you should make a time as soon as possible! Nothing kills a relationship faster than not knowing when you are going to be together again. This the key to knowing how to make long distance relationships work and you should be very serious about it no matter the cost or time commitment.
Fourth, keeping an LDR going is a huge task. If you think your relationship is headed for break up, you should take a more proactive attitude and get some long distance relationship advice. There are people who can help you save your relationship, even if the other person wants to end it.
How To Keep A Relationship Alive: Counter Attack
As I said earlier, your relationship distance makes things more difficult in terms of communication and intimacy. Your partner may want to break up with you, but hasn’t worked up the guts to tell you. The distance is just too much. So when people ask me how to make long distance relationships work, I usually ask them some questions to identify some key markers that indicate serious trouble in a long distance relationship.
A major sign that your long distance relationship is in trouble is when your partner seems to want to communicate with you less frequently. Or, the communication is quick and matter of fact. That sinking feeling that you are losing your relationship becomes frequent, and is particularly strong when you are talking on the phone or via Skype. Even your partner’s emails are pithy, or non-existent. You start to feel as if you are intruding on their life. It’s a horrible feeling, I know.
Here is the primary indication that you need to learn how to make long distance relationships work, and quick: You are almost afraid to say, “I love you” for fear that you will not be answered with, “I love you too.” You know in your heart that things are not going well, but no one has articulated it yet.
Here is the counter attack: You initiate the break up. Yes, you read that correctly. You break up your long distance relationship as a way to save your long distance relationship. I know it’s counter intuitive, but here’s how this works.
Your partner is already broken up with you. The formality of breaking off your long distance relationship hasn’t happened yet though. By breaking up, you create an enormous amount of mystery and shock for your ex-partner. They will start to wonder if you found someone else. They will begin to obsess. Their ego will overtake them and curiosity will make them more interested in you than ever before.
Here’s what your say, “I know we are far apart and things are not the same as they used to be. I think it’s better for both of us right now if we go our separate ways. I hope you can understand that I’m moving on with my life and have taken a different direction.”
Of course, your partner will ask why, but you just keep it general and say something like, “I’ve seen this coming for some time. I’d rather we just part amicably for now.”
If you want to find out more about how to make long distance relationships work and learn more details about how to do a counter-break up effectively, then you might want to sign up for my free newsletter to find out more details about tactics and strategies to help save your long distance relationship.